


first times until forever

by singnie



Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/singnie/pseuds/singnie
Summary: bora has lived through many first times.
Relationships: Kim Bora | SuA/Lee Siyeon
Comments: 10
Kudos: 59





	1. the first firsts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there! this is a three quarter fiction/one quarter things that happened mess. to sum it up, dreamcatcher are still dreamcatcher and certain moments that happened in real life will be included but only as an outline as this story is (obviously) fictional. it will be told from bora’s point of view and follow the different first times she has experienced in life. please enjoy! :] ps: english is not my first language so be ready for some dumb sounding sentences

the first time bora says she wants to be a dancer, she‘s four years old and a girl is dancing on tv. according to her parents, bora watched closely and completely mesmerized until the last second. 

“honey, did you like that song?”, her mom remembers asking, right before her child enthusiastically stood up on her chair to clap for what her parents describe as the three happiest minutes of her life. 

“mom, I wanna be just like her!”, bora had exclaimed very loudly as she tried to mimic the choreography she had just seen.

———

the first time bora signs up for dance classes is one she can actually recall on her own. she‘s in elementary school and has finally convinced her family that she just really, really wants to dance. when bora opens the door to her first class, she quickly understands she came a little unprepared, because this was nothing but a trial run - no one was sure she would stick to it and money was tight and dance shoes were expensive. she looks at the other girls in there, who could afford the fancy clothes and had their hairs styled so perfectly not a single lock was falling out of the bun she didn’t even know she was supposed to have in hers and feels a little less than. 

“that girl is not wearing the pretty dance shoes, look!”, she hears one girl whisper to another.

“I don’t need the expensive shoes to be a good dancer. one day you’ll see”, bora says confidently.

the girls simply giggle and move away. today, bora doesn’t remember either of their names but she is sure they know hers.

———

the first time bora walks into her new company, two weeks after the audition that had granted her the position as a trainee, she thinks her heart is going to explode. there is so much excitement within her that she can only see blurry faces and hear friendly greetings and smile at her very first official dance teacher in her journey to becoming an idol.

at fifteen years old, there’s nothing that can prepare you for what being a trainee truly is. bora still thinks those were the hardest years of her entire life. 

“bora?”, her dance teacher says in a stern voice six months into her lessons.

“yes miss?”

“you‘re not doing this right. your facial expressions are lacking and your movements are delayed. are you sure you really want to be here?”

“more than I’ve ever been sure of anything else in my life. I will become better, miss. that’s a promise.”

and so she did. later on, she found out that it was exactly because her teacher knew that she wanted to be there more than any other student she had ever taught that she had pushed bora to her limits.

———

the first time bora really feels like befriending a trainee her age, they are both just finishing a particularly difficult vocal lesson with about eight other girls. 

“this takes so much out of me”, bora mumbles to herself.

“everyone knows you’re a dancer but you still sound really good when you sing! don’t be too worried”, she hears a reassuring and encouraging voice say. she looks at the girl next to her and sees the biggest smile on her face.

“hi kim bora, I’m kim minji and we’re the same age!”

“oh, hi. how do you know my age? and how do you know I’m a dancer?”, bora asks intrigued.

“everyone knows you’re the top dancer here! I asked other trainees about your age because I really wanted to be your friend. your confidence and determination when you’re dancing have helped me a lot.”

“that’s really sweet of you to say. well, kim minji, you can consider us friends! I don’t think I have many of those around here. you know, we get so lost thinking about when we’re gonna debut and worrying if we’re gonna be sent home that I feel like I have only built superficial relationships. maybe it should be the exact opposite...”, bora is basically thinking out loud now, only to be interrupted by the apparently eternally cheerful kim minji.

“I didn’t take you for such a deep thinker. listen, this will all be a lot easier on you if you open up to the only people in the world who are going through the same thing as you are. yes, at the end of the day we’re all competing against each other but you won’t find anyone who understands your feelings and emotions better than those of us who are training with you. now that you have formally accepted my friendship request, I think I’ll be able to show you what I mean!” 

because she can’t help but smile along, bora asks, “are you always this positive and uplifting?”

“not always. but most of the time. how else am I supposed to get through this hell of a process?”, minji giggles, “anyway, my friend who’s ten times better at this singing thing than I am is waiting for me outside! I should introduce you two some time. she always says she wishes she could dance like the kim bora girl everyone admires, maybe you could help each other out!”

“wait, what friend?”

“lee siyeon. gorgeous, kinda shy, seemingly quiet girl, got into the company at the same time as me, has the voice of an angel and a laugh that could be heard from the other side of the world. do you not know her? she’s always hanging out with me and lee yubin, who by the way is probably the coolest person in here. no offense, main dancer”, minji answers, making bora laugh this time.

“none taken. I know lee yubin but I don’t remember any lee siyeon, no.”

“well, that’s a shame. I really have to go now but here’s my number”, bora only sees the taller girl write something on a paper that she hands her before she’s quickly leaving while shouting from the other side of the room, “text me! oh, and I’m sure that as soon as you hear siyeon sing, you won’t ever be able to forget her name again!”

minji couldn’t have known at the time, but bora always thinks back to those words and shivers.

———

the first time bora truly breaks down during her trainee years is just a few days after her encounter with kim minji. she locks herself in an empty practice room, curls up in a corner and practically sobs her life away. singing hadn’t become easier, her entire body was sore from practicing for the weekly dance assignment, she couldn’t remember any english words from her language class and all of this was overwhelming her to the point where she couldn’t focus on her actual school work, either. not every first time becomes a happy memory, and it pains her to admit it but she feels unsure about the future and where she’s headed. 

bora’s not certain how much time passes or how many tears have wet her shirt when the door that she thought she had locked opens and in walks a girl with her phone right in front of her face and her earbuds so loud the song she’s listening to can be heard by anyone she walks by. 

“oh my god!”, the very tall girl yells excitedly at her phone before even noticing there’s someone else in the room. 

having cried enough, bora gets up to approach the girl and find out what she’s so happily screaming about. “uhm, hey?”

this startles the dark haired girl who nonetheless smiles at bora, “I’m sorry I didn’t think anyone was here. I was just watching the new wonder girls music video and it’s so good! wait, are you okay? have you been crying?”

“don’t worry, I’m fine. just had a little moment of doubting myself and everything I’ve chosen to do with my life so far. but I’m good now... I think. sorry to have scared you before. my name’s bora”, the shorter girl says in a calm tone.

“I’m yoohyeon! and just so you know, you didn’t have to introduce yourself because I knew exactly who you were. we all do. whenever the company debuts the group we’re all fighting to have a spot in, the main dancer spot will be yours. we all question ourselves sometimes but trust me, you don’t need to. seriously though, have you heard the new wonder girls song?”

bora feels so touched by yoohyeon’s words that she thinks she’ll start crying again if she says anything except, “no yoohyeon, I haven’t heard it. c’mon, show me this comeback that has you so excited”, and soon realizes this girl is like a human sized puppy.

———

the first time bora meets lee siyeon, she doesn’t even know it’s her. she had texted minji a couple times since getting her number but their schedules had been too incompatible for a meet up, so it was safe to say the singer friend the cheerful girl had mentioned hadn’t crossed her mind again. 

it was past eleven at night when the dancer arrived at the company. exam season was making it impossible to practice at a reasonable time, but bora enjoyed the peace and quiet of the building whenever she had to be there so late. upon getting to her practice room of choice, however, she realizes it’s not empty. looking through the small window on the door frame, she can see a girl slightly taller than her who is clearly frustrated that she can’t get her choreography right. 

without really thinking about what she’s doing, bora softly knocks and steps into the room, determined to help the struggling girl who is just as surprised that someone that isn’t her is at the company in the middle of the night.

“hey! sorry if I’m interrupting. I normally use this room to practice my dancing, so I was gonna come in but then I saw you were here and-“, bora can’t finish her sentence before the girl cuts her off. 

“I’m really sorry! I hadn’t realized I had been here for so long, let me just get my things and I’ll be out in a second.”

seeing the girl ready to run out of the room, bora reaches out before she can stop herself. “wait no, you don’t have to leave! I was just gonna say I think you were practicing something I’m familiar with and I could help you with it”, she says as she watches the brunette’s facial expression soften.

“really? I’m sure you have your own practicing to do. I don’t want to bother you and I’m afraid I would be wasting your time because I am clearly terrible at this...”

“you’ve just convinced me even more. I know you’re not terrible or you wouldn’t have come this far in your training and we all have days where it just feels like we can’t get it right. sometimes we need a different perspective or even a little push in the right direction. so what do you say, can I be the push you need today?”

even if the line makes both of them cringe a little in between giggles, that’s exactly what happens. bora figures out she has come across a perfectionist when they’re two hours in and she thinks the girl has flawlessly completed her assignment but instead hears her breathlessly say, as she sits down to gather her belongings, “oh well, I just can’t do it the way you can. and honestly, sometimes I’m convinced I’m not supposed to be here.”

“what are you talking about? I was just about to say you nailed that. you’re being too hard on yourself. we’ve been here for two hours and you fixed everything you were doing wrong and added even more soul to what you were already doing right. plus, if you’re this upset over your dancing skills, I’m gonna take a guess and say there is something else you excel at and that this is the hard part for you. if you’re this good at the hard part, I can’t imagine how incredible you are at the rest. be kinder to yourself, okay?”, bora rambles, feeling weirdly upset after hearing this talented girl underestimate her worth.

the second she’s done talking, she feels a pair arms around her, engulfing her in what she thinks is the warmest hug she’s ever received. the taller trainee is very noticeably choked up when she gently utters, “thank you kim bora”. 

no more words are spoken because, before bora is even able to process that this warm girl with very soft hair (she doesn’t think that’s a weird thing to notice) knows her name, she is left alone in the room. in four years of training, bora doesn’t remember having ever had an interaction as strange as this one. she doesn’t dwell on the fact that strange hadn’t ever felt this magical, either.

———

the first time bora realizes lee siyeon is lee siyeon isn’t until months later, because minji had made it a point that she wanted bora to “fully experience both of her friends’ beauty and auras for the first time in real life and not through low quality pictures”. minji was an interesting one. and bora considered buying her a better phone just to tell her the pictures could be higher quality that way. she never followed through with her expensive joke. it’s a sunny afternoon when they are finally sitting at a cozy coffee shop after having become much closer, even if simply by texting on a daily basis knowing their schedules barely left any space for more than three word conversations in the company hallways.

“I can’t believe you’re telling me you hate coffee almost half a year into our friendship. I would have reconsidered my wise words of reassurance back then if I had known”, minji says as she shakes her head, pretending to be extremely disappointed with her friend’s taste. 

“you’re so dramatic, I can’t believe I used to think you were all sunshine and rainbows! now, let me drink my tea in peace and tell me about these debut rumors you’ve been hearing, kim minji!”

minji had briefly told her over the phone that she had heard some of their teachers talking to each other about the company being ready to debut their long awaited girl group. it felt surreal to hear those words after so long and she needed to know more. 

minji quickly interrupts her thoughts and replies, “I will! let’s just wait for siyeon and yubin to get here because I figured since I had to eventually tell all of you, it would be easier to just get everyone together when we all magically have some free time.” 

“wait, I’m finally going to meet the famous lees you never shut up about and you’re only telling me this now that I’m already sitting here in my ugly dance practice outfit?”, bora jokingly scolds her friend.

“now who’s dramatic?! I didn’t tell them you were gonna be here either. I honestly realized we were all free about fifteen minutes before I got here and I’ve been trying to make this happen for so long that I didn’t even care to inform any other involved parties. this is a moment in history for me only!”.

as bora was about to protest and keep their playful argument going, all her words were gone when the two girls they were just talking about arrive at their table. is that-...?

“minji, you could’ve told us to dress nicely if we were meeting a new friend instead of just yelling at us to come here immediately after finishing practice! well hi bora, I’m yubin and I’ve heard a lot about you”, the well known coolest girl in the company extends her hand for bora to shake, “and this girl who seems to have lost her ability to speak is siyeon, as I’m sure you’ve figured out by now”.

“yubin, s-shut up”, siyeon stutters. “hi bora, it’s really nice to... finally meet you”.

bora’s eyes are impossibly soft at the realization that the girl in front of her right now is the same one she spent two hours dancing with months ago. she hadn’t told anyone about the strange night and she definitely didn’t want to admit that as time went by, she found herself thinking of the warm hug she received from her dancing partner that she had yet to see again every time she was seeking some comfort.

“earth to bora? why are you ignoring my friends? I can look past your coffee hatred but you better shake yubin’s hand right now”, minji yells with a confused but amused smile on her face.

“yes, of course! sorry, hi yubin”, she eventually greets, shaking the rapper’s hand. “hello siyeon. it is indeed nice to finally meet you, huh?”. bora can’t help but smile at her, though that falters rather fast when she sees that siyeon is looking down, seemingly a little uncomfortable. 

“okay ladies, sit, sit because we have so much to talk about!”, minji intervenes, not picking up on the tension between her friends.

before they’re both seated siyeon excuses herself, “hold on minji, I’m just gonna go to the restroom before you start your three hour long lecture”. hearing the younger girl’s nervous laugh, bora feels an inexplicable need to talk to her, getting up as well. “I actually need to go too, c’mon.”

as the two step away from their friends, siyeon surprises herself when she’s the first one to talk, “bora, I was very clearly trying to escape from you, not to have you follow me to the bathroom...”. bora lets out a laugh at the girl’s playful tone, “hi again siyeon. yes, I got that part. but why?”

“to make this less embarrassing somehow? I didn’t know you would be here or I wouldn’t have come.”

“ouch, is that how you treat your nice and helpful dancing partner?”

“honestly? I’ve been pretty good at pretending to be extra busy to avoid meeting you whenever minji insisted. back when I accepted your help, I didn’t know minji had made friends with you. she had only mentioned wanting to get to know you, but it wasn’t until later that I found out, when she very casually told me she had forgotten to reply to one of your texts while we were studying. I was mortified to find out that my best friend had become close to you and wanted us to meet after I embarrassed myself in front of you with my clumsy dancing and my stupidly clingy self but now here we are so I’m really sor-“, siyeon stops talking at the feeling of a fingertip against her lips. bora quickly retracts her hand when she sees she has the girl’s attention.

“siyeon, you’re rambling. nothing about practicing with you was embarrassing. in case you forgot what I said that night, you should be kinder to yourself. you’re a great dancer and, if what minji tells me is true, the best singer in the entire universe”, siyeon scoffs in disagreement hearing bora’s words but the older girl keeps going, “and let me tell you a secret... I really like hugs.”

siyeon finds herself unable to contain her smile, “thank you for saying that but I’m still sorry. this is so awkward.”

“is it? ever since that day I’ve been wondering if I would ever see the oh so mysterious girl who likes the same practice room as me again, and for the past few months I’ve been looking forward to meeting the famous lee siyeon minji is always bragging about. I think it’s quite a lovely coincidence that you happen to be both of those people”, bora admits with that same soft look from earlier returning to her eyes.

“I guess that’s fair enough. now let’s go back to our friends and never speak of this again?”

“I’ll agree to the first part of that, lee siyeon.”

when the two return to the table, yubin is laughing at minji, “guess what, minji knows nothing useful and literally only heard them say they thought the group was gonna be chosen soon”.

“so you deprived me of my post practice shower to add nothing to what you said on the phone?”, siyeon immediately complains but minji is even quicker to reply, “it wasn’t nothing! aren’t you happy you finally met the one and only kim bora whose dance skills you’ve always wanted?”

bora looks siyeon in the eye, raising her eyebrows at her as if joining the teasing. 

“stop teasing her you meanies, flustered siyeon is an amusing sight but I had to skip my shower too!”, yubin adds.

“you’re all annoying. stop acting like we’re not about to spend the rest of the afternoon sitting on these pretty chairs and laughing our asses off because I, kim minji, finally found a way to get all my ladies together!”

as it turns out, minji was pretty much always right. laughter was heard for the rest of the day and it only faded after the sun had already set. bora couldn’t help but notice that siyeon’s laugh made her feel like the sun hadn’t gone away at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was initially going to be a one shot but several hours and three thousand words later I realized that it would have become too long. please let me know if you’d be interested in a continuation. minx timeline would be next, followed by dreamcatcher timeline right after. if not, I’m happy to leave it as it is as well. thank you so much for reading. :]


	2. the second firsts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bora continues to live through many first times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi friends :] it’s been a while, huh? i’m the worst at finding the mindset i need to write, so i apologize for the (nearly) 6 months between these chapters.
> 
> as i had planned, we’re going into the minx timeline now, but i decided not to go too deep into it as i can only imagine how difficult that was for the girls and i guess it didn’t feel right? idk, i hope you get what i mean. a reminder that this is FICTION and in no way reflects real life. i think that’s always an important thing to remember.
> 
> once again, english is not my first language so if you spot dumb shit, it’s bc i’m dumb lol :] i hope you enjoy!

the first time bora hears siyeon sing, she wishes time could be frozen.

not even a week after they’d all shared that comforting day together, the company decides to cut out the last group of trainees before they have to choose exactly who will debut. thankfully, everyone bora is somewhat close to stays around and she feels extra lucky when she realizes she’s possibly about to achieve everything she’s dreamed of and that she might get to do it all with people she cares about. 

with only ten girls left, they are now scheduled to train together at all times - something about figuring out which voices go well together and where the biggest chemistry lies is what bora hears. it isn’t until their first singing lesson is almost over that it dawns on her that she still hasn’t heard siyeon sing, and the dancer is trying to keep in mind that the staff had said that none of them were very good and everyone still needed a lot of practice, but as soon as siyeon opens her mouth, she’s more inclined to believe minji was right when she had said the girl had the voice of an angel.

being constantly busy and on the go, bora could count in one hand the moments where she’d felt time stand perfectly still. right then and there, though, while watching siyeon do what she loves most, she almost wishes it was possible to stop the world. to stop the world and then loop the three minutes she spends listening to siyeon’s voice. and suddenly it hits her that this could be one of the last moments they shared before it all got too scary, before they’d either be eaten alive by the entertainment industry or lose the chance to live out their dreams. so just as she can’t stop the world, she can’t stop the tears that fall from her eyes. 

siyeon’s song ends then and having been nervous to sing in front of some of these girls for the very first time, she seeks their approval. her eyes immediately land on bora’s because she’s the stranger that is the least unfamiliar, but instead of approval she finds wet cheeks and puffy eyes. naturally, after thanking the voice teacher for her hard work and hearing that everyone is dismissed, she runs up to bora before the older girl can even try to leave.

“bora, is everything okay? was I that bad?”, she asks with a nervous laugh.

“exactly the opposite, silly. I mean, I’d heard minji compliment you hundreds of times but I’d also been told no trainee was very good yet so I didn’t expect you to... you know, do what you did”, bora responds without giving the singer the chance to doubt herself.

“I am very flattered, thank you for the compliment. this is what I love to do, but I know I need to work way harder and fix everything I’m still lacking so please don’t stroke my ego too much! I saw you crying though, are you sure you’re okay?”, siyeon feels the need to confirm. 

“don’t worry, I’m okay. you just chose a very emotional song and you clearly felt every word you were singing and I got too lost in the moment. you’re really talented, siyeon. I wasn’t wrong when I told you there had to be something you excelled at. but yes, now I’m done stroking that ego of yours!”

siyeon was taken aback by the sincerity of those words and in an attempt to pretend hearing that from a completely unbiased person (that she happened to be very fond of for reasons she still couldn’t comprehend) didn’t make her the happiest girl in the world, she simply said, “damn bora, don’t fall in love with me just yet!”.

bora had scoffed back then. today, she’d laugh at herself for how easily she’d dismissed that sentence. 

———

the first time bora feels like everything in life will work out, it’s almost like it’s too good to be true. 

it’s only been a few weeks after their first voice lesson together when they find out that what minji had been hearing was true and bora and four more girls are told they‘d been the chosen ones to debut.

in what minji and yubin say is “a happy coincidence” but bora chooses to call “fate because the universe knows I’m great and deserve good things”, all five girls who are selected know and like each other. they find out gradually, and they’re each told to keep it a secret until every member has been notified and they can schedule a group meeting to finalize the contracts. bora is the first one to be called in and she just wants to tell minji that it’s all happening and that they wanted her and that she feels like she’ll explode if she doesn’t do this with the friends she’d come to cherish so much. the next day, when minji has a worried smile on her face and hugs her for longer than she ever had, she feels hopeful that it would all be okay.

by the time the group meeting comes, bora thinks her heart might’ve stopped beating. as she enters the room and sees yubin already sitting there, she realizes it’s actually beating faster than it ever had. bora wants to run up to her and cry happy, relieved tears, but her thoughts are quickly interrupted and her heart races even more when minji and siyeon walk in, trembling hand holding trembling hand, followed by an overly excited yoohyeon a few seconds later. 

bora still thinks that is the purest form of happiness she has ever felt. 

———

the first time bora spends the night with siyeon, they don’t even sleep on a bed and she thinks she’s found some sort of soulmate. 

with signed contracts and nervous hearts, all five girls are given one single weekend to go home and pack their bags to move into a dorm with one another. bora can’t quite believe how fast it feels like time is moving all of a sudden, because when you wait for something your whole life and it finally comes, it almost feels like none of it is real. to make sure it is, though, she doesn’t even take the whole weekend to move into their new place. 

the roommate arrangement was easy to figure out. siyeon and minji had known each other the longest and were pretty much a “do not separate” package deal so there was no doubt those two would room together. yubin liked her peace and quiet, and yoohyeon and bora were good friends by then, so they told her to take the single room as long as she promised to teach them to be as cool as she was (they all knew there was no way that was ever happening). so, when bora gets there on saturday evening even though she assumed the rest of the girls were only coming either on sunday night or monday morning, she is extremely surprised to find siyeon in the living room. 

“well, hi there! I definitely thought I’d have the dorm all to myself for at least another 24 hours”, bora says to the brunette on the couch, who jumps at the sound of her voice.

“oh my god bora, I didn’t hear you come in. what are you doing here?”, siyeon answers, clearly startled upon finding out she’s not alone. when she looks at bora, the girl is grinning from ear to ear, “sorry to have scared you, as funny as it was, it wasn’t my intention. and to be completely honest, I’m trying to accept all of this is real so I thought I’d try to come as fast as I could. what about you?”

“the cool answer is that I’m just pumped and so ready to start that I had to be here early”, siyeon says. “and the real one?”, the shorter girl immediately asks, sensing that something’s up with the singer.

“the real one is that as excited as I am, I am also terrified and normally find it hard to sleep in places I’m not familiar with, so I thought I’d try to get used to it a night before everyone else was around to see me struggling", siyeon utters tentatively. 

bora’s eyes soften at the words and she feels the urge to hug her friend, but instead she sits down next to her, puts a hand on her lap and calmly says, “hey, it will all be okay. please know that whatever you’re feeling, we are right there with you. it’s a new and scary experience for all of us but we’ll stick together and make it work”. hearing this, siyeon lets her hand shyly hover over bora’s, and the dancer shows no hesitation in taking it into her own with a reassuring squeeze. it was the first time they did that, too, but they were both too lost in their own thoughts to register anything but the comfort and warmth they felt in that moment. 

after brief minutes of silence, bora has an idea. “how about you help me unpack and then we can watch any movie you want? though I hope you brought some dvds because all I’ve got with me are superhero movies...”, and the second siyeon hears that, she can’t contain her excitement. “I love superhero movies! please tell me you brought captain america content with you and I will love you forever”.

the older girl feels her heart dance happily in her chest at those words, but keeps her cool when she confidently responds, “I thought you’d already decided to love me forever because, you know, I’m an awesome person, but sure, we can definitely watch captain america if it means that much to you, lee siyeon. but make sure you know thor is the superior character!”

“never say that to me again kim bora, captain america all the way! but let’s hurry up and unpack your things so we can watch this movie and I can explain to you all the ways in which steve rogers is better than thor”.

three hours and many jokes later, both girls are on the couch under a single blanket because they silently decided it was too cold to sit far away from each other. they’re halfway through the movie when bora notices siyeon has fallen asleep as she feels a head on her shoulder and looks down to see her eyes closed shut. at the endearing sight, the dancer can’t help but let out an “aw” that comes out louder than she intends it to, and siyeon once again jumps when she hears her voice.

“I’m so sorry I fell asleep on you”, siyeon says when she realizes what had happened, and bora can tell she’s embarrassed. “you’re very cute”, she blurts out. the taller girl feels reassured but shy, so she can only hide her face in bora’s neck as she puts her arms around her and asks, “is this okay?”.

bora thinks she’s about to melt and takes a while to reply, “I did tell you I like hugs, right?”. she wonders if she’s imagining it when she hears siyeon’s sleepy voice whisper a whole minute later, “I like you”. so she leaves the lightest kiss on the singer‘s forehead, to make sure this moment is theirs and real and that she’ll always remember it before letting herself fall asleep, too.

———

the first time minx are on a real stage together, bora can’t tell if she’s the most excited or the most scared she’s ever been.

all five girls had been training for years and they knew that to reach that point in their careers, they had to have something special about them. bora knew she was a good dancer, she even happily took the lead rapper position the company had chosen for her, but the second it’s all about to become very real, it’s easy to doubt your worth. so, even when the stage goes well enough, the uneasiness doesn’t leave bora’s stomach and she’s not sure what to do about it.

that’s momentarily forgotten when minji, now the official leader of minx, walks into their dressing room with the proudest look in her eyes and excitedly exclaims, “we did it! come here all of you!”, initiating their warmest group hug yet. “I know we promised not to get too cheesy but just know I love you a lot and I’m so proud of us for making it this far. this is only the beginning and there’s no one else I’d rather be experiencing this with”, the oldest girl continues.

“don’t get too sappy! you’re jiu the cool leader now! but I do second everything you said”, yubin playfully responds.

when yoohyeon sees siyeon is as close to tearing up as she is (that wouldn’t be the first time either of them cried today), she pulls everyone back in for another hug and yells in a voice that matches minji’s excitement from earlier, “minx fighting!” and they all share a loud and overjoyed laugh.

once they’re all back home and in the comfort of their living room, bora accidentally allows her mind to wander back to that familiar uneasy feeling, so as soon as they’re done eating she quickly excuses herself, saying she’s too tired to stay awake any longer. 

the conversation had been flowing easily between the members and she doesn’t expect anyone to follow, so when there’s a knock on her door not even five minutes later, it takes her by surprise.

“come in”, bora says to whoever’s on the other side of the door. when it’s siyeon who walks in, she wonders if this is another one of those instances where the singer mysteriously reads bora as if it’s the easiest thing in the world, even when it hasn’t even been a year since they first met each other.

“hey”, siyeon greets softly. “I don’t know what’s wrong and I have a feeling you don’t want to talk about it but I thought I’d keep you company anyway. would that be okay?”

bora wants to cry. “I don’t know how you do that”, she manages to say instead.

“do what?”

“that thing where I don’t have to say a word and somehow you know how to read my mind.”

“I do pride myself on my reading kim bora skills, thank you very much. now let me into that tiny bed of yours so we can cuddle your bad mood away, please?", siyeon teases.

bora could protest and pretend everything’s okay but if there was one thing she’d learned in the time she’d known siyeon, it was that she would never get away with lying to her. so when she lifts her covers up and makes space for the taller girl, she lets herself enjoy the simplicity of having someone who understands her by her side.

siyeon is the one to break the silence first, “whatever it is, please remember you have me and three other girls who will always support you and be there for you. if you wanna let anything out, never think there isn’t someone who will listen. you said it first, we’re sticking together through it all.”

“I know and I appreciate all of you, I really do. if I still feel this way tomorrow morning, I promise you’ll be the first person to know.”

“why tomorrow morning and not now? I don’t want you to go to sleep feeling upset.”

“honestly? because being in this bubble where nothing exists except me and you is soothing me more than any words could”, bora says, and it almost sounds like a confession.

“cheesy, kim bora”, siyeon laughs.

“you bring it out of me, lee siyeon.”

and with the shared understanding that nothing else needed to be said that night, the two fall asleep knowing there will always be some kind of forever between them.

———

the first time bora truly understands things really aren’t going as planned, she feels her heart break a little.

it had taken minx nearly another year to be scheduled for a comeback but, instead of dwelling on that, each girl had chosen to seize the opportunity to work the hardest they ever had. still, it didn’t take any of them too long to figure out it just wasn’t going that well. as the years in the industry had gone by, there were more and more girl groups trying to find success in a career path that was clearly more likely to work out if you were a man. as proud as they all were of what they’d been able to do thus far, there was an inevitable sense of loss at the end of each week when it almost felt like they were just blending into an already saturated market. the girls had tried to avoid the topic at first, not wanting to make the others feel doubtful or insecure, but the more time passed, the more they decided to rely on one another. 

it was late at night, the comeback promotions had just ended that day, and the feeling of defeat mixed with hope was lingering in the room.

“I just wish more people would tune in, you know? we work so hard and somehow it’s like the audience isn’t connecting with what we’re doing no matter what it is”, yoohyeon confesses.

“yeah, I know what you mean”, yubin responds. “to be fair, there’s so many groups to pay attention to and people will always choose their favorite. I don’t know what we can do to stand out from the rest.”

“I’m sorry that things aren’t going like we imagined they would. it’s kind of out of our hands though, isn’t it? we get a concept and some songs and do our absolute best with what we’re given”, bora argues.

“you’re all right. none of what’s happening is because we’re doing something wrong or not trying hard enough. all we can do is stand by each other the way we have been, keep giving it everything we’ve got and hope that eventually the world will listen. as long as we’re in it together, I think we’ll be okay”, the eternally positive leader says, trying to comfort her members.

siyeon just stays quiet. and because bora has become an expert at knowing the other girl’s heart too, she chooses to hold her hand the tightest she’s ever held it and whispers, “it’s going to be alright. we’ve got you”, into the younger girl’s ear. 

looking back to those days, bora truly believes that honesty and trust they’ve always shared is what kept them together through every single battle they lost and gave them the strength they needed to get back up and fight again. 

———

the first time bora kisses siyeon, it’s simply supposed to be a symbol of the comfort and trust between two people who have always fit together. 

the scariest part was nearly over. things were finally better after they’d been terrifyingly worse for a while. the company started throwing words like “rebranding” and “redebut” around and then introduced two bundles of sunshine in their lives.

there was handong, who looked very intimidating at first, and when you’ve never talked to her all you’ll feel is this immensely powerful aura she has. it turns out she had come from china and was still perfecting her korean and was just the loveliest girl who wanted this just as much as the rest of them always had. and then gahyeon, a beautiful baby they immediately took under their wings and promised to protect forever. and as soon as they came around, the so called “rebranding” started happening. 

the total concept change, the intention of showcasing each girl’s individual strengths, the incredibly difficult choreography that made bora feel like the baddest bitch in town... the promise of a future where they would finally be happy doing what they love.

it was, all in all, a process of self discovery for each of them, not just as artists but as people whose lives were starting to look like they were going somewhere again. they had all grown up a lot, maybe quicker than they’d ever planned to, and as a rare peaceful dinner happened in a living room that was chaotic and loud most of the time, the dreaded subject of dating came up.

“there’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot, now that we’re slowly approaching our debut date”, gahyeon lets out.

“do we need to fight anyone for you? because we will!”, bora jumps in with her usual protective instinct.

with a laugh, the youngest continues, “everything is okay. I just keep wondering what our personal lives will be like when people eventually know us. I know success doesn’t come right away, if ever, but I always see our seniors struggle with dating scandals and rumors that weren’t supposed to come out and honestly, that scares me more than I’ve ever admitted out loud”.

“when did you get so wise and thoughtful?”, yubin teases, but gives gahyeon a comforting smile. 

“speaking from experience, when the craziness starts, it’ll feel like that’s all your life is. when we first debuted, dating was the last thing on my mind. now that I can look back, I think I almost forgot I existed outside of being in the group. we’ll be extremely busy and at the end of each day the one thing we’ll think about is sleeping”, yoohyeon admits.

minji, who always knows exactly what to say and when to say it, adds, “that’s true, but I want all of us to remember that we do exist outside of this and that no matter what happens this time, the most important thing is to stay honest with each other. dating is something normal, we’re still human beings, and wanting to have a life outside of our jobs isn’t a crime. let’s just not keep secrets from one another and everything else will fall into place”.

“amen”, handong intervenes.

“awomen!”, bora says. a loud, collective laugh erupts at that, with the chaos automatically installing itself back in once the hard hitting words are out of the way. except a minute later, bora realizes the only thing siyeon had done throughout that entire conversation was look at them and smile fondly. they all knew each other well enough by then to know that when siyeon doesn’t say a word, it’s because there are a million thoughts running through her head. evidently, when their main vocalist announces she’s going to sleep instead of staying up for a second movie and leaves the room, handong asks, “who’s going in there with her to make it all better?”.

bora stands up without even needing to say anything and everyone shares a thankful smile and says their goodnights to the dancer. once she’s knocked and siyeon has given her permission to come in, she isn’t surprised to find the younger girl completely drowned under her sheets. 

“siyeon, what’s wrong?”, bora questions right away. 

showing no intention to move from under the covers, siyeon tries to get away from what she fears would be a conversation their friendship couldn’t recover from when she says, “nothing’s wrong”.

sitting down at the end of the bed, not wanting to invade the other girl’s space if her presence wasn’t wanted, bora insists, “please don’t lie to me. if you don’t want to say anything you don’t have to, but I think we both know we can’t lie to each other so I’d prefer if you told me to fuck off instead of trying to pretend you’re okay”.

this makes siyeon sit up. “there hasn’t been a single moment of my life where I’ve wanted you to fuck off”, she calmly says as she stares at bora. the older girl stares back and when siyeon makes space for her, she sits at the top of the bed with the singer and laces their fingers absentmindedly.

“did we say something that upset you? you seemed fine all day and then your mood just... dropped”, bora tries again. 

it’s obvious that siyeon hesitates before she replies, “no one said anything to upset me. it was just that whole thing about dating. I feel like we’d never talked about it before and I don’t know, it’s not my favorite subject to focus on.”

“why not? we’re not children anymore, it’s normal to feel like you want to be with someone. there’s nothing wrong with that, siyeon. don’t feel guilty for being human.”

“yeah. I really do hope it’s normal”, and it sounds like siyeon is thinking out loud when those words come out of her mouth. bora pulls both of them down so they’re lying in bed and facing each other, and as she caresses the taller girl’s cheeks, she feels like she can push a little further.

“please talk to me, singnie. there’s nothing you can’t tell me and I know you’re holding back and that holding back is hurting you and I can’t stand to see you hu-“

“I think I like girls”, siyeon says so quietly bora almost misses it and then turns around to hide, clearly ashamed of herself. it takes the dancer a few seconds to react (and to this day she still beats herself up for it, since siyeon eventually confessed that the delayed reaction made her think bora wouldn’t ever be able to look her in the eye again), but as soon as her body catches up to her brain she pulls siyeon into her and they’re face to face again.

“and?”, bora whispers back.

“and? what do you mean, and? I’m also a girl, bora. you know that’s not how things are supposed to work.”

“says who?”

“the entire world, basically”, siyeon sounds sadder than bora has ever heard her.

“as your self proclaimed entire world, I have just decided that if things did work out this way, then it can’t be as wrong as you think it is”, and as the dancer says this in a playful tone, she feels a light slap on her shoulder. and then siyeon is crying. 

“what exactly are you scared of, siyeon?”, bora wants to keep her in her arms forever.

“we’re gonna redebut and be under the spotlight and people will be watching. how am I going to hide this? how am I gonna hold it in forever?”

“we all pretty much hide our dating lives anyway. that’s what we’re taught to do. but you will not have to hold it in. you deserve to be yourself the same way everyone else does.”

“I can’t exactly go around kissing girls. I don’t even think I know how to kiss anyone, let alone a girl! how does that work? how does any of this work?”, and once again it’s like siyeon is thinking out loud. she is brought back to earth in an instant when bora says, as if it’s the easiest question she’s ever been asked,

“like this.”

and then their lips are touching. it’s slow but deliberate and so, so sweet, and bora hopes siyeon feels in that kiss the words she doesn’t know how to say - there will never be anything about her that bora won’t love, there will never be anything she can’t trust her with, there will never be anyone in the universe who will feel more like home to her than lee siyeon, no matter where life takes them or what it throws their way.

and when they pull apart after just a few seconds and there’s only them and heavy breaths and then silence and the most loving stare they’ve ever shared, bora knows siyeon understood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay, you got through my 4k words of non sense! i hope that after reading that, what i meant when i said i would be writing the minx part more superficially was clearer. this is really just a piece of suayeon fiction so i didn’t want to delve too much into what was a real, horrible struggle for a group i love so much. 
> 
> as always, feedback would be very much appreciated and i thank you all for the kind support you left in the first chapter. thank you so much for reading & i am sending everyone love during these trying times! see you soon (please take that word lightly, haha) :]<3
> 
> ps: stream boca


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